Hacking Fatherhood Read online

  Hacking Fatherhood

  Preparing for Success in the Biggest Role of your Life

  by: Dr. Nate Dallas

  www.HackingFatherhoodBook.com

  For orders or inquiries, please use the form on the website.

  Copyright © 2016 Nathan J Dallas

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  Dedication

  To my wife: You are my rock, my motivation, and my hero.

  To my dad: Thank you for your living example of dedication, manhood, and vocation.

  To my four boys that I have the privilege of raising:

  I am proud of you. I love you.

  To my two children lost: Thank you for preparing my heart to love more deeply.

  I hope to meet you all in paradise.

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  There’s No Time Like the Present

  Tomorrow is a New Day

  24 Months BC (BEFORE CHILD)

  How to Get Pregnant… It’s Harder Than You Think

  20 Months BC

  Lies and Logistics

  15 Months BC

  How to Build a Superhuman

  10 Months BC

  One Test Changes Everything

  9 Months BC

  Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

  Papa’s Got a Brand New Identity

  Whoa! The First Trimester

  The Worst Day of Her Life

  6 Months BC

  Whew! The Second Trimester

  The Name Game

  Where and How to Have a Baby

  3 Months BC

  Ugh! The Third Trimester

  8 Hours BC

  It’s Go Time

  4 Hours BC

  Things Just Got Real

  0 BC / 0 AD

  D-Day: Party of Three

  1 Hour AD (After Delivery)

  The After Party

  Hustle and Bustle

  Catch Your Breath

  1 Day AD

  The Calm Before the Storm

  Complications Are Complicated

  The Last Place You Expected to Be

  Sticky Milestones

  You Love ‘Em. She Hates ‘Em

  Tiny Bottles and Big Burps

  2 Days AD

  Snip Snip

  Showing Up for the New Job

  Hit the Road, Jack

  3 Days AD

  Mama, We’re Coming Home

  Getting in the Groove

  Happy Nappy Time

  The Hunt for the Missing Z’s

  1 Week AD

  Beating the System and Saving Your Wallet

  A Father’s Perspective

  Author Bio

  That’s a Wrap

  There’s No Time Like the Present

  Many of your friends may begin to dislike you, especially ones in the same stage in life. As they observe you becoming a successful father and husband, you will indirectly highlight their deficiencies, sometimes publicly. A dedicated man who shows wisdom, discipline, and leadership makes his household secure, but can simultaneously irritate peers. The insecure and guilty ones, which are many, may resent you for it. The world loves the indifferent and the ordinary but hates two classes of people: those who are too good, and those who are too bad. Everyone loves the underdog until he starts consistently winning. That underdog was a member of the normal, mediocre crowd before, but no longer. Now he has become an outlier and an unintentional whistleblower.

  The title Hacking Fatherhood likely implies multiple meanings to different people based on interpretations and life experiences. Just to clear the air, I want to clarify my intent with the title. I do not mean to hack away at this, leaving a chopped up mess as a final product. In other words, I do not want to imply that anyone is a hack-job, just managing to scrape by with trial and error. The ready, fire, aim approach will produce a guaranteed failure in this area of grave importance. The verb that I want you to instill in your mind is the one popularly used in the areas of life hacking or computer hacking. This form of hacking means to win by beating the system, or at least by gaming the system in a more intelligent, lesser-known way. Hacking requires gaining knowledge that few others possess and finding creative and systematic ways to use that knowledge to a sizable advantage. You may associate this type of hacking with cheating. That’s fine too. I feel like I am sometimes cheating, and that I am getting away with something when I compare my life to the ones around me. There is certainly nothing dishonest about it, it just feels like it’s unfair to the world that I am able to beat the normal system by using knowledge and effort that is not readily available to the general public. I did not earn the right to be made privy to this classified information, and I find it disheartening that so few men are given the same package of information, parental modeling, and experience. That is exactly why this book now exists. To him whom much is given, much is expected, right?

  Businesses fail. Friendships fail. Marriages fail. Why? The supermajority of these failures can be attributed to two simple concepts that are woefully complex: inaccurate expectations and poor preparation. I’m guessing that at this stage in your life, family failure is not an option. If that’s true, then you are in the right place. It’s time to discover realistic expectations and cultivate a superior plan for success.

  I’m not sure how you wound up in this position of discerning fatherhood. On second thought, I have a decent idea. Some of you are here out of necessity and are late to the planning game. A sense of panic has set in because you know that a baby that shares your DNA is already on the way. The rest of you are way ahead of the typical process and are cautiously planning for a child to come along in the future. In either case, you are likely here because of love, even if you think you had a mishap or oversight. Love is a wonderful reason to be here, and the very foundation of how we will build this model. You may also be here because of passion. Love and passion have multiple meanings, and I’m sure that we can apply multiple definitions and situations to both terms in your story. Your emotions at this moment could include those of fear, panic, despair, diligence, dedication, pride, paranoia, resentment, negligence, satisfaction, excitement, or likely a combination of many. No one arrives at this stage of life in the same way, or at the same level of maturity, but the challenges that lie ahead are the same for all of us. That is, whether or not we can deny ourselves, make sacrifices, and commit to something bigger. Love is the gift of one’s self. Loving is a conscious and deliberate choice.

  This book is for the type of men who prefer working harder in order to get the job done more effectively. It’s for guys who take pride in developing and expanding their skill set, and perhaps their own character—even if it requires more demanding labor—the dedication will be worth it in the end. It’s for the self-motivated guy that isn’t worried that he may distance himself from the safe and familiar crowd. In this book, we will eliminate distractions and plunge right into intense productivity. The effort will pay dividends in a rare currency also known as satisfaction. To be satisfied with our life’s work, we need to use our time, talents, and effort for something important. So many people are dissatisfied in life because they know that they are wasting these things. Satisfaction comes from a union of body and soul. We must remain usefully engaged and challenged. It’s about personal growth and true dedication to something of value. Nothing that we will ever do has the potential to benefit our lives as much as crushing this fatherhood role. Satisfaction
in this will beget peace and happiness that can only thrive in the absence of guilt. The rewards will be substantial, but not without setting lofty expectations, and accepting the need for personal sacrifice and commitment.

  The tactical steps in this book will be built upon, time and time again. Success is cumulative and exponential. It never happens by accident. Starting well is the key, and discipline is everything. Reading this book and executing its strategies will prepare you to become proficient and enable you to be a true hacker. Just know that you may be resented for it—not praised or congratulated. You are probably optimistic and excited about being a father, but the fun-filled toddler and adolescent stages that we typically fantasize about come much later. Any legitimate chance for long-term success will depend on diligently and intentionally laying the proper groundwork now. Having smart, well-behaved, respectful, fun, loving children doesn’t happen automatically. The hard truth is that if we have a child that doesn’t respect authority, won’t eat his vegetables, won’t mind, can’t do his chores, can’t share, and cusses like a sailor—it’s our fault. No one wants to admit it when it happens, but the foundation was certainly broken or maybe never laid in the first place. It’s really hard to reel it back in if things get out of hand. The best defense here is a good offense.

  There are many other manuals for expecting dads out there. Undoubtedly, many of them are pumped full of buzz words and statistics. The other books likely appeal to a broader audience looking for quick fixes, but fail to deliver the action plan that men need most. My intended audience is small because I am only looking to the overachievers that are committed with their lives. Few of the fatherhood titles I have read over the years have been practically useful for long-term success. Most of them are written assuming that you are an idiot who has made a careless mistake. They discount the fact that some of us are intent on being in a thriving relationship and want to build a strong family. Some of these books attempt to make the promise that you can wing it and still stay cool, without disrupting your current life. Many other books are targeted to expectant women and their mothers-in-law, hoping that Dad will wake up and start being responsible. In contrast, I don’t expect you to be careless and incapable, nor do I expect you to merely pretend to be someone else when certain people are watching. The goal of those books seems to be to just check a few boxes so everyone will leave you alone to keep enjoying your comic books, video games, poker night, and the non-stop football podcasts. They aim to teach you that you can survive and just stay out of trouble without inconveniencing your current life, which, if we are honest, may be pretty non-productive as a whole. There is also no shortage of books that will give you 100 generic recommendations on little things that you should probably be doing, that would probably help, if you could miraculously remember to do them all. What we all need are a few realistic, proven tactics that produce tangible results. We need tools for real life application. We need accurate expectations and proper planning for long-term success. I’ve never come across any particular book that represented this ideology and approach to fatherhood, or one that gave me a measurable edge on learning the job quickly. My hope is that these pages will serve as an awakening, a motivation, and an instruction manual for the tasks before you.

  The world doesn’t need more mediocre men that merely look exceptional on social media. We need you to actually be a model of success. That is to know who you are, to know what to do, to know how to do it, and to deliver on all of your family responsibilities. Looking like you are good at it is pretty easy, considering the contrast to the average adult male. Let’s be honest, most of the sperm contributors in the world don’t have much of a clue. Baboons and rabbits can become a father pretty easily. Our initial contribution isn’t really much to brag about, even if you think you’re good at it. Being above average today probably means that you know how to properly spell your child’s middle name and remember to buy him something on his birthday. Planning to pay child support if something goes awry isn’t an adequate plan. We need to be substantially more prepared for all the rigmarole that comes with this new job. Being baptized in this raging sea that is fatherhood is daunting. The trek over this new territory can seem like an impossibly demanding, and intimidating task, but we can overcome those fears and sentiments. There is much to learn, in so little time, and the platform beneath us changes rapidly and often. Everyone needs a few pointers in the beginning to help them build momentum.

  The items in this book are not just unsolicited recommendations; they are refined tactics that have worked for me. They are not the only ways to succeed but are certainly some of the superior ways to do so. Once you hit your stride, you can confidently and successfully take each obstacle, one by one, and pound it. This will be so much more than just hints and warnings on how to merely survive. The chapters that follow will give you the necessary tools and techniques to perform like a pro and to tower above the status quo. Dare I say that you may even like the new position, hold it in higher esteem than becoming the new CEO of your company, and take extreme pride and personal satisfaction in executing it well.

  I just want to be upfront and honest about Hacking Fatherhood. It’s not for everyone. I say this because I know that some people lack the endurance and the self-worth to finish the drill. It’s a lot of work, and many are unwilling and unable put in the necessary effort. I’m writing for a few men that are intentional life-learners and honestly dedicated to excellence. The fact that you are reading any book on fatherhood already puts you in the top 90% of all human adults with a penis. So, bravo to you on your willingness to go that far and even consider preparing for the gigantic responsibility that is before you. Don’t get cocky, though. We sit in a pretty pathetic crowd. Of the top 10% of men who will actually read any book on fatherhood, I assume that there are only about 10% in that group who sincerely desire to ramp it up and have the character and raw tenacity to execute. These are the guys that don’t just want to survive the transition, but absolutely want to rock it, at all costs. These are the ones who don’t just have an awareness and a desire to enter fatherhood; they are the ones that will faithfully put in the work to be exceptional at it. Those of you who are relatively sharp have already figured out that I am claiming that this book is only for about 1% of half of the population of the literate world. I hope that my assessment is wrong and that mankind is in better shape than I observe. I expect the number of men that do care will increase as men like you begin to lead by example and educate the world on what real fatherhood is all about. I wish there was some insanely difficult mental and physical task I could give you to determine if you are one of us, like the Navy Seal ‘Hell Week’ training and elimination process.

  When it comes down to it, a lot of men are simply lazy. Some of us don’t know it and others are downright proud of it. Some are experts at being mediocre and are admittedly content there. Let’s face it: being average these days requires minimal effort or intelligence. Some don’t take the job seriously. Some try to invest as little as possible and don’t mind being average or even falling below the median. This book is not about scraping by or faking it. Hacking Fatherhood is about learning ways to kill it. Its purpose is to expose ways to be efficient, productive, and smarter. It’s for the small subgroup of men that will stretch themselves to the limit in order to be exceptional.

  This book is packed with insights that will save time, money, energy, and possibly your marriage and social life. However, make no mistake about it, the strategies in this book will require extra work. With knowledge comes responsibility, and doing this fatherhood thing well requires everything that you have. The demanding work is rough sometimes, but you can’t call in sick or hire a surrogate when you get tired. It’s vitally important to have realistic expectations from the beginning. Let me help with a few now. Doing this process right means that your golf handicap will likely rise. Several hobbies that have been so important in your life will have to take a back seat or totally disappear. It means that you will miss some, or a
ll of the games and outings that you once enjoyed with your core group of friends. It means that you will have to be present for your wife and your child(ren) more often and more intently. You will be sleep-deprived and still expected to get up and be as productive as you were on your best day. Your sex life will take several temporary hits, but in time, will become stronger than ever. Your social life will change dramatically, but in time, will recover. There are no days off. Being a good dad is a lifestyle. It’s not a temporary season, but rather a commencement into another permanent phase of life, which means one phase will be left behind. I want you to realize that your entire identity is going to change. This is who we are. We are fathers.

  Hacking Fatherhood is not just about possessing rare and elite knowledge. It’s about becoming a leader, developing wisdom and tenacity, and building endurance and character. It’s about growing as a person and rising to the call before you. We will do this in the smartest, most efficient way possible. Whether she has ever expressed it or not, your wife does desire for you to lead. The entire household is more secure when you are capable and everyone knows that you are. We will not discuss how to pull the sticky tab on a diaper or how to wipe a bottom properly. What we will discover is how we will take pride in these ever so mundane tasks. Let’s create a family culture. Let’s plow some fertile ground, plant some seeds, and tend to the crop feverishly. We will sample the goods along the way to make sure everyone stays focused and motivated. Then at harvest time, we will feast and celebrate the success from putting in the intense work all season.

  Here’s the kicker: if you are the type of person that I hope you are, you will take pride in these ideas and ideals. You will actually want to work harder because you understand the gravity of the new vocation. The process will not only be a challenge, but it will also be the very thing that gives you true purpose in life. Learning these fatherhood hacks will give you true satisfaction because you will be slaying the proverbial dragon, becoming a hero, and elevating several people to a higher state of being. I heard someone say, “If you love what you do, it never feels like work.” That’s bull! You can love fatherhood and make it your number one priority and passion, but you can bet that there will be many times when it feels like work. You may get pounded to the canvas with an unexpected left hook from time to time, but with some gritty, back-alley, informal training, and a will to win, you will never lose by knockout.